THE RABBIT HOLE
I can't decide if going further down the rabbit hole is a good thing or a bad one. The kids and I should soon find out as we continue our read-aloud of Alice's Adventures in Wonderland.
My own rabbit hole called writing, although far from disappointing, is still very much a mystery to me. I keep turning to writing because it is therapy, and hope, and light, and solidarity with something bigger than me. I write to be a blessing. I copy quotes and pen letters and write blog posts and commit to memory a variety show of Scriptures, speeches, poems, and sayings. And someday, I hope my love of words will be the connective tissue that brings together all these pieces of me.
I can feel that it's all going to mean something, and yet it already does.
I am giving my life to the words, to the collection of them, the ingestion, the distribution. Where will this rabbit hole that I've fallen into land me?
Occasionally I am gifted glances of how the parts of my life, both the past and the present, are making me into the future self I long to be. And I am convinced that words have been, and will be, the salvation for me. Thank God that Jesus was called the Word, among many other significant namings.
Words are my balm, my center, my hope, my prayer, my healing. Bless you, ABCs. Bless you, English language. Bless you, Anne Lamott and Alexander McCall Smith and Robert Benson and Lauren Winner and Gretchen Rubin, for you have used words to woo me and wow me and win me.
And just now, I'm at the point where it is time to open a new door, like Alice did when she found herself in the hall of doors, yet all the while uncertain how she was going to get through to the garden on the other side. Will she fit?
Will I fit? Will (more) social media fit? Or will the only fit be "fits and starts," a bit of this, a bit of that, till the stars align and the words synchronize and the poetry is written on my life itself? Freedom first, then may the words take flight.
I have started a new Instagram account, @gingerwroteaquote, in hopes that it will lead me further toward where I want to go.
But, even as I open this door, questions loom and time is of the essence.
Do I know where I want to go? Am I too big? - or - Am I too small? And above all, can eternity hold all of my longings?
There's so much wondering about my adventure.
All I know for sure is to let the words do their work. I will keep loving what I love, these words that shake me and move me and change me. I will tend to the words, write them down, untie them from my heart and send them off to yours, waiting to see where seeds drop and where winds blow. Am I in charge more than I think, or less?
I welcome you to join me on my journey and see where the rabbit hole leads.